TOPR the giant lived in a deep bootblack cave in the middle of the Santa Cruz Mountains. For breakfast each day he would eat an emcee and flush down their blood, bones and phony rhymes with an ice cream carton filled to the sticky brim with cheap warm beer.
The filthy giant had no heart, but indeed had a ghastly mind filled with foul thoughts that swam in and out of his molded mind like eels in a debaucherous pride parade.
Top Ramen knew that he must find a heart to balance his wild brain and bridle his foul flesh.
One day, while Topr was swimming in the river, face-fishing for his lunch, a golden catfish appeared to him. Topr the giant smiled a black toothed smile, licked the remains of his second breakfast from his beard and proceeded to grab the golden catfish by the tail.
“Please have mercy on me you strange-faced Giant! I know where you can find your heart!” screamed the fish, pleading for his life.
TOPR never cared what anyone said and he had never lent his ear to his prospective lunch, however, on this strange day the giant paused to listen, wiping the drool from his front tooth.
“Your heart is in Carolina Mr. Giant…you must travel far and wide, many miles must you roam”
“Your heart is in a field filled with exotic melons of all shapes and sizes, within one of these melons lies the golden Keliyawn seed!”
“You must find this Keliyawn seed and grow it into your heart”.
The giant wanted a heart but Carolina was many miles away. He sat by his fire thinking and chewing on a leftover fibula bone, “I must leave tomorrow to Carolina to find my heart!” declared the giant. He packed all he needed; 10 gallons of warm beer, some teriyaki emcee beef jerky, his “I Hate Amerikkka” T shirt, his radio and a few mixtapes. TOPR was off to find his heart.
After burning through two dozen D batteries he had come to the field of exotic melons. Since TOPR had eaten all the jerky on his voyage and was terribly famished, the giant began to viciously eat all the melons without regard for the rare Keliyawn seed. Luckily for our hero the golden seed fell into his pocket.
Since the foul giant had collected so much dirt and so many rocks in his pockets, the seed had found a fertile home. The beer that drained through his beard dripped upon the seed each night and within a few nights the seed blossomed into a golden heart.
Topr reached into his pocket and pulled out the heart.
“What is this?” He cried.
“I am Keliyawn, your golden heart, you must swallow all of me now TOPR and I will be part of you for the rest of your life!”
The giant swallowed the heart and smiled from the start of it’s beating, His heart was Keliyawn and they lived together from then til’ infinity.
aka R. Longfellow